So I get home and start cooking the dinner. As usual I get sidetracked and start doing the dishes. This REALLY annoys my wife but she can’t get mad at me because I am doing something helpful. I think that’s what frustrates her the most. Anyway so I’m there doing the dishes while the meal is cooking away. My wife has joined in and is keeping an eagle eye over everything that was cooking. Steaks were tops by the way. Did I mention how easily I get distracted…. right. This IS going somewhere, I promise. I finish up the dishes and I am King. Then I try to take it one step further. Amy, especially after a long day, will often crave the soothing properties of a wheat bag we have lying round the house and can often be spied wearing it draped over the back of her neck and shoulders while she totters around the house. Well no, she doesn’t really totter but I’m getting distracted again and the way Amy moves around the house when she has the wheat bag isn’t the point here. The point is the wheat bag, to get the full advantage of it’s mystical properties…. ie to make it smell really nice, it needs to be heated. Now 2 minutes in the Microwave will normally do the trick. Being the dutiful, yet distractible, husband that I am, I found said wheat bag and placed it carefully within the confines of the microwave oven. Dialled in the required two minutes and hit ‘Play’. Not a wholly remarkable thing in itself, I am often known for my remarkable feats of thoughtfulness. The microwave flashed, buzzed and flashed again, then as if it were an Athenian herald delivering a message after a very long run, promptly died. Once again not a wholly remarkable feat, I mean kitchen appliances probably die every day, I mean, like right now, somewhere, I bet there is a toaster out there screaming “No, not another crumpet!” In any case what makes this more eerie is we’ve had two Microwave ovens. Somehow I have managed to finish them both off. If kitchen appliances had an organised crime syndicate I’d probably find an electric beaters whisk in my bed in the morning… This whole debacle raises some interesting questions.
One. Do we purchase another Microwave knowing full well that with my 100% track record that it is highly likely for me to destroy yet another innocent appliance who wanted nothing more than to do it’s duty and flash happily on it’s little LCD panel “ENJOY YOUR MEAL” ?
TWO. If we do go ahead and risk another poor, sweet, innocent microwaves life by having it in the same house as me, do we permit Nathan, The Destroyer of Worlds into the kitchen?
And THREE. Why can I suddenly summon metallic objects from across the room?
